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Parts Bin, April 2025

Some classes I wrote to make the good people at Phlox's Discord server laugh, mostly. There are 15 of them so it's probably time to post them.

In no particular order:

Person Whose Dog Is A Ghost And Gives Them Money

Start with: a dog that's a ghost

A: See, Spot, Run
B: Fetch, Spooky Snacks
C: Unleash
D: Happy Ending

SEE: You can see ghosts.

SPOT: Whenever the thing you're trying to buy is exactly $5 more than you have, your ghost dog can lend you $5. You don't actually have to pay it back because it's a dog and is going to love you regardless. But you should.

RUN: Your ghost dog knows how gambling works. People are searching for the money your ghost dog brings you.

FETCH: Your ghost dog brings you money each evening equal to 10% of the money you got on your own that day.

SPOOKY SNACKS: You know how to make ghost treats. You can make food for any kind of ghost. It takes five minutes or as long as it would normally take, whichever's longer.

UNLEASH: You can sever the ties that bind a spirit to this world. It's not forced to leave but it can. If you tell it to leave it has to make a save or something.

HAPPY ENDING: Your ghost dog comes back to life, unless you didn't pay it back for those times it spotted you $5.

ASSASSIN SHARK

A: Deep Cover
B: Chum
C: Blood in the Water
D: Deeper Cover

DEEP COVER. You are a shark, and also an assassin. You have a big-ass bite attack that can deal sneak attack damage. Choose or roll how you manage to kill targets on land.

  1. Astral projection allows you to swim your ghostly image through the air. Effectively you are where your projection is, and it takes damage for you and so on. If it dies, you die. You can't swim up very high for very long: basically you can jump like a human.
  2. Robo legs. You have a machine that pumps water into your gills and walks around at your command. It's not quiet.
  3. Ignorance field. By concealing your identity behind a trenchcoat and dark sunglasses and a hat, you can hide the fact that you're a shark. As long as no one notices, you can breathe air and walk around on your tail.
  4. Lycanthropy. Under a full moon, you turn into a human, and must save to resist your humanlike desires to crash on the couch and watch TV. You can assume a hybrid form that looks like a Street Shark but you're weak to werewolf stuff like silver bullets and vampire rivalries.

CHUM: You get a reliable contact in the shark assassin guild. Roll their Deep Cover. They give you tips on who needs killing, and they can bail you out of trouble one time using their resources. Roll to see what resources they have (d6): 1. Fast nondescript car. 2. $1,000. 3. Prison cell key. 4. Paperwork establishing a new identity for someone. 5. Favor from a dirty cop. 6. Shot from a sniper rifle.

BLOOD IN THE WATER. You can track anyone who's been bleeding in the last 24 hours without needing to roll. Your sneak attack works against bleeding targets even if it usually wouldn't.

DEEPER COVER. Your Deep Cover improves.

  1. You can swim through nonmagical walls, floors, and ceilings. It hurts you when you do it, let's say d4 damage.
  2. You get your robo hands working. Now you have hands.
  3. You can cause anything with a brain to ignore your presence altogether, whether you're in disguise or not. It hurts you when you do it, let's say d4 damage for a minute of nondetection. Additional d4 for each other creature you hide.
  4. You can be fully human whenever you want. You still have to save whenever an opportunity arises to do something really mundane and boring.

Cugel the Clever-Inspired Thief

A: They Don't Call Me __ For Nothing
B: Flexible Demeanor; +1 MD
C: I Dare Say; +1 MD
D: It Is I; +1 MD

THEY DON'T CALL ME __ FOR NOTHING: You can insist upon your own nickname until it sticks. You have 1 Moniker Die (MD) and can use it to live up to the moniker you've invented for yourself -- roll any number of your MD and add the result to another roll. If a MD rolls 4-6, you lose it, and if by some miracle you live up to your moniker without using any, you get a new one.

FLEXIBLE DEMEANOR: You can always pretend to be in any kind of mood, regardless of circumstance, and be believed. Your actual mood is usually "haughtily offended" or "scheming."

I DARE SAY: You can provoke someone to argue when they would otherwise draw steel. 1-in-10 chance to lose the argument regardless of rationale, which increases by 2 each time you use this, and resets daily. Losing the argument usually means getting saddled with a dangerous/lengthy/demeaning task.

IT IS I: You can boldly announce your presence and identity, forcing everyone to acknowledge you and express their opinion of you. If you pretend to be someone else, everyone expresses their opinion of that person instead. This works on animals, too, but you probably can't understand them. Creatures who are expressing their opinions of you are distracted. Give them disadvantage to notice things, make them go last in the turn order, etc.

Example monikers: Clever, Erudite, Quick, Marvellous, Indefatigable, Magnanimous, Eloquent, etc

Dragon's Dogma 2-Inspired Thief

A: Verve; Powder Charge
B: Plunder; +1 Powder Charge
C: Masterful Kill, Powder Jump
D: Subtlety; +1 Powder Charge

VERVE: You're always the best climber in a scene. If a better climber shows up, your skill escalates to exceed them. This goes for mountain goats and stuff too. Not bugs though. Unless they're really big.

POWDER CHARGE: You can spend a turn putting a little explosive packet wherever you can reach. When set off, this thing deals d6 damage to one target. You can set it off from up to a hundred feet away (it uses a long, near-imperceptible, near-instantaneous Mission Impossible fuse) and at any time, whether it's your turn or not. You can scrounge up enough random bullshit to keep one of these on you at the start of each day. Having access to actual explosives doesn't help, but you know how to use those too.

PLUNDER: When you hit a target with a melee attack, if your result was an even number, you steal the first thing from this list that they have: money, off-hand weapon or shield, main weapon, crowd's favor, crafting material. (Write down one letter from their name. When you can spell an item, you have enough materials that a craftsperson can make the item for you.)

MASTERFUL KILL: You can spend a turn striking a badass pose. While posing, you can instantly teleport behind anyone who attacks you this turn and slit their throat (counts as an even attack for Plunder).

POWDER JUMP: You can set off any number of powder charges without having to set them first. They just go off right at your feet, sending you acrobatically flipping away. One regular jump length for each charge used. You can still do this when it's not your turn.

SUBTLETY: You won't be noticed unless you're doing something cool. All your powers are cool. Obviously.

God-Killer

+1 AC and save per level against anyone wearing a holy symbol

A: Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune; Unmaker
B: Not Fucking Scared of You
C: So Crazy It Might Work
D: Get Some

SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE: The gods are not eager to draw your attention. As long as you have not taken damage today, +2 AC and god-magic cast upon you rerolls the highest or lowest MD, your choice. (God-magic is usually cast by priest types.)

UNMAKER: You are a symbol of change. People and other thinking creatures who have some kind of gripe with fate, gods, or the way the universe works will flock to you as a savior. You can retain a number of these beings equal to your charisma bonus as loyal acolytes, and call upon [templates] favors from the lot of them per day. Common favors include things like "cast fireball into that hole" or "tell me if this wine tastes poisonous." Each month that passes without you fully solving whatever problem an acolyte came to you about, 1-in-6 chance they start planning a mutiny.

NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU: You can feign deicidal madness to succeed on a test to scare someone whose god is alive, or to resist being scared yourself. If you have not actually faced down a god and lived, each time you pull this stunt you increase your fumble range by 1 for the rest of your life, as the gods become more willing to call your bluff.

SO CRAZY IT MIGHT WORK: People are wary of your kind's potential for something like miracles. Anyone you meet will usually believe you're capable of one supernatural feat you claim. If the time comes to perform said feat and you fail to do it, all onlookers will recognize you as a fraud and refuse to work with you.

GET SOME: You can challenge anything you want to a fight, by simply shouting it to the sky as loud as you can. Your opponent is not obliged to fight fair, but they'll show.

Prince(ss?)

Start with: androgynous outfit, double-edged shortsword, crown

A: Boy // Girl
B: Royal // Pain
C: Six of One // Half a Dozen of the Other
D: Slay // Give Us Nothing

BOY: You have many boyish qualities, or perhaps you lack girlish ones. When trying to convince someone you're knowledgeable, hardcore, or stupid, you just succeed. Flip to Girl if someone thinks you're a girl. That happens if a reaction roll result is odd, by the way.

GIRL: You have many girlish qualities, or perhaps a lack of boyish ones. When trying to convince someone they're respected, feared, or cringe, you just succeed. Flip to Boy if someone thinks you're a boy. That happens if a reaction roll result is even, by the way.

ROYAL: You project an aura of intriguing mystery and confidence. You can bump up reaction rolls by 1 after you hear whether they're even or odd. You can do that with attacks too, but then flip to Pain.

PAIN: Foes who think you're a boy take -[templates] to hit you, and foes who think you're a girl take the same penalty to their defense against you. When you have time to compose yourself after battle, flip to Royal.

SIX OF ONE: By altering their wardrobes, stylings, and posture, you can pass off up to 6 people as boys or girls (all the same). People still recognize who they are, they just assume they've either transitioned or had a spell cast on them or something. If you do this to yourself, you can keep that perception as long as you like, but flip to Half a Dozen of the Other.

Half a Dozen of the Other: You can instill gender confusion in up to 6 people concurrently. Gender-confused people have a 1% chance each day to realize that they've been living a gender lie and will usually come to you for help figuring out what to do. If they go 30 days without realizing this, the gender confusion ends and they're immune to it going forward. If you help someone with their gender woes, flip to Six of One.

SLAY: You can embody the highest masculine or feminine ideal, but gosh it's exhausting. Perform a flawless feat of strength or grace, or, restore missing function to a damaged creature or object. After you do, flip to Give Us Nothing, and also, if you want, make everybody perceive you as the other gender.

GIVE US NOTHING: You can flip back to Slay after you get a good night's sleep.

Psion as a Unit of Psychic Energy Moreso Than a Type of Person

A: Alien Intelligence; Energy Being
B: Focus
C: Energy Transfer
D: Dr Manhattan Shit

ALIEN INTELLIGENCE: You are a unit of psychic energy, contained within the 6-dimensional body-mind of a being for whom "extraterrestrial" is about as close as anyone's ever going to get. Anything that tries to read your mind reads instead the most suppressed aspect of their own mind. Anything that tries to control you gains control instead of its own autonomous function for the same duration. 1: Heartbeat, 2: Breathing, 3: Digestion, 4: that thing where your eyes see an image upside down and your brain flips it, 5: Blinking, 6: Balance.

ENERGY BEING: If a creature hits you with an attack, you can blast them with horrible psychic trauma that either deals 1d10 and seizes them up like they got tased, or deals 1d4 and pushes them and every unsecured object and unprepared creature away from you. The pushing continues at a rate that normal people can just barely overcome if they use all their movement and doesn't stop until you spend a turn doing breathing exercises to calm down.

FOCUS: You get 2 Focus Points (FP) each time you get a Psion level, including now. You can spend one to make your master pay closer attention to your current situation. When it does, everything within 20ft of you is bathed in infrared weirdlight from all directions. The weirdlight suppresses magic and instills ungodly paralyzing terror in creatures who fail a save. Your master's focus lasts as long as it remains interested.

ENERGY TRANSFER: You can burn up your existence to directly affect the material world. Spend 3 max HP, choose: power an electrical device for about a minute; melt an object with heat if it's no bigger than let's say a football; crush a person like a tin can next turn if they don't move.

DR MANHATTAN SHIT: You can do any shit that Dr Manhattan from Watchmen could do. But you will only do shit that Dr Manhattan would do.

Guy Who Found a Wand of Dinomorph

Skills: Paleontology
Equipment: slightly bent scimitar you got off a corpse; journal full of maddening notes; plaster molds of weird footprints you found in the caverns below

A: Primordium; Dinomorph Wand
B: Tooth and Claw
C: Regression
D: Intelligent Life Form

PRIMORDIUM: You have seen the silhouette of prehistory. You are allowed to roll to see if you know about literally any past event, lost technology, extinct species, etc, but if you do, you only know the broad strokes, like what someone might have painted on a cave wall about it.

DINOMORPH WAND: You have a magic wand that turns people into dinosaurs. To use it, roll a d10 and add your Guy Who Found A Dinomorph Wand templates. If you're trying to target someone other than yourself, you need that total to be 8+ or you can't bring yourself to do it. If the total is exactly equal to your templates, the wand works but then it won't work again today. If the wand works, consult the dinosaurs chart. Anyone who's been dinomorphed by your wand turns back when you dinomorph someone else, or after an hour. Dinosaurs morphed this way can talk.

TOOTH AND CLAW: Whenever you stop being a dinosaur, you retain some aspect of the dinosaur you most recently were. You can keep [templates] aspects, but only one per change.

REGRESSION: Anyone trying to cast spells, operate devices or machines, or use written or verbal language has to save if they do it within 60ft of you. If you're a dinosaur, their save has disadvantage. If they're a dinosaur, they don't have to save unless you say so.

INTELLIGENT LIFE FORM: You finally realize this is all a bit silly. Keep your Primordium and your wand, but you're not compelled to only use it on yourself anymore. The wand has d6+3 charges left and then it's useless. Lose all your other features and gain a template from a different class. You can gain this template willingly out of sequence if you get adequate therapy or something like that.

Dinosaur chart:

  1. Weird little skittery lizard the size of a large housecat. Venomous bite d6, one time you can break your tail off instead of taking damage.
  2. Heavy barrel shaped guy the size of you laying down. Can run twice as fast as you but only for a total of 3 rounds. Swallow anything smaller than a basketball if it can't move at all.
  3. Muscle monster the size of a horse. Break shit like a max level Fighter. You can bite a tree in half if your human form could've wrapped their arms all the way around it. Bite 4d6.
  4. Slithery weirdo the size of a really long couch. You can climb and swim no problem, carrying up to 2 passengers. Swallow anything that's smaller than a regular human, if it fails to deal damage to you (it gets one turn to try).
  5. Oh look it's a T-Rex. Swallow anything smaller than a king sized bed if it fails to deal at least 10 damage to you (it gets one turn to try). Bite 4d6 unless T-rexes in your ruleset do more than that.
  6. Freaky flying thing the size of a horse. Swoop by to force morale checks, pick up a target if it's human sized or smaller, carry it until it deals damage to you. Let's say you fly 60ft in a turn.
  7. Idk I'm running out of ideas. I'm sure you can find dinosaurs that gradually get more badass in some kind of order
  13. Dear god it's the mega T-Rex. Swallow anything that's smaller than a large pickup truck, but only once. Give it a save if it's, like, really important. Squish 6 HD out of anything you step on, idk.
  14. Roll twice and combine?

CHRONO CRUSADER

Equipment: a weapon you're learning but haven't mastered (-2 to hit); a broken timepiece

A: Singularity; Multitude
B: Chronoanasthesia
C: Horizon Expansion
D: Shaper

SINGULARITY: Your future is in flux. Track your Moral Trajectory (MT) as a score from -6 to +6, starting at 0. Tick it down by 1 when you do one of the following:

Tick it up by 1 when you do one of the following:

MULTITUDE: Your present is also in flux. Whenever you roll initiative, and at the end of each of your turns, roll 1d6 + MT. A potential future self appears beside you (it can share your space), with a power corresponding to the rolled result. Instead of taking an action yourself, you can have the future self act and then vanish. If it attacks, it attacks using a copy of a weapon you're holding, and it's proficient with that weapon even if you aren't. It remains until the fight is over or until it follows one of your commands. It can do anything you could do in one turn, or it can use its power. It's only half-real, so it can't body-block for you.

CHRONOANASTHESIA: The first [templates] damage you take each round is delayed until the end of your next turn.

HORIZON EXPANSION: Your Moral Trajectory range is now -8 to +8.

SHAPER: When you defeat an enemy, you can replace one of your potential future powers with a special attack from that enemy.

Potential Future Powers:

(-7): If the target fails a save, send them forward in time to the dark future in which you rule with an iron fist.
(-6): Summon 3 dark servants with the stats of orcs. They breathe smoke (adjacent: save or be blinded) and grapple when they hit.
-5: Attack [templates] times.
-4: Attack, then roll another potential future self.
-3: Make yourself or an ally invisible this round.
-2: Allies gain a [templates] bonus on damage rolls this round.
-1: Attack and send the target flying or stumbling 20ft back.
0: Use a future copy of an item you own (yours isn't used).

1: Attack using a fully unlocked, fully upgraded future copy of your weapon, using all its powers for free.
2: Move up to an extra 20ft forward and attack.
3: Gain +2 AC this round, then roll another potential future self.
4: Gain +2 AC this round, then roll another potential future self.
5: Choose an enemy power or spell affecting an ally or yourself. Attack with a [templates] bonus, and if you hit, end the effect.
6: Attack using a fully unlocked, fully upgraded future copy of your weapon, using all its powers for free.

7: Use a future copy of a nearby item you haven't found yet, or attack. (You see the copy when this appears.)
8: Attack, adding your damage to your AC this round.
9: Enemies suffer a [templates] penalty to attacks that don't target you this round.
10: Heal yourself or an ally 2d6 HP and radiate bright light 20ft this round.
11: Attack, then roll another potential future self.
12: Attack [templates] times.
(13): Summon 3 honorable guards with the stats of orcs. They can each heal up to 10 HP a day to anyone with a touch, and can intercept adjacent attacks.
(14): If the target fails a save, swap it with a version of itself from the bright future where you redeem all evil.

Dragon-Destined

A: Waiting in the Wings, Hoard of Knowledge
B: Scales of Justice
C: Soar
D: This Template Intentionally Left Blank

WAITING IN THE WINGS: You are destined to one day ride a dragon into battle. This much you know. You do not know which dragon, or indeed which battle. And as with all destinies, it won't come to pass if you die first. You can tell people about your destiny, if you want. [Templates]-in-6 chance they believe you. This is a truly remarkable destiny and will command respect (but not necessarily obedience or even safety) from anyone who isn't really confident they could beat a dragon in a 1v1 fight. Which is almost everyone.

HOARD OF KNOWLEDGE: You know just about everything there is to know about dragons. You know the names of all the known dragons within 1,000 miles of your birthplace and you have a [templates]-in-6 chance of knowing even obscure or secret things about dragons generally or about specific dragons. This is, like, your only hobby. Interpret this pretty liberally.

SCALES OF JUSTICE: If you're enforcing a dragon's law in that dragon's domain, you deal extra damage idk.

SOAR: Whenever a dragon or one of its agents tells you you did a good job and means it, gain +1 to an ability score of your choosing.

THIS TEMPLATE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK: :)

Objectively Funny Cosmic Nihilist Beam Fool

A: beam, foolishness
B: cosmic objectivity, nihilism
C: really high IQ
D: ascendant humorist

BEAM: You can shoot a horrible radioactive beam out of your mouth like Godzilla. It vaporizes organic life and blasts inorganic materials to dust, when it works. It only works when it would be funny.

FOOLISHNESS: You are a court jester by trade. You're allowed in courts but you're not allowed to have any dignity or be taken seriously unless it would be funny.

COSMIC OBJECTIVITY: Humor is not subjective, it's just beyond the understanding of mortals. You can roll a d100 any time you attempt anything. On a result of 69, it turns out the thing you're doing is funny, even if it doesn't seem funny.

NIHILISM: You can't be enraged, enchanted, frightened, or basically have any kind of emotion forced on you except paralyzing despair. If something would alter your physical form or take you out of your body, or subject you to a hallucination or illusion, it doesn't work.

REALLY HIGH IQ: You can understand Rick and Morty, among other things. If you're using a game system that has an Intelligence score, go ahead and change yours to the best number possible. You can speak and understand any language you want as long as it's funny.

ASCENDANT HUMORIST: If you roll d100 and get two of the three digits 420, you can roll a d10 and try to get the missing one. If you do, funniest shit imaginable.

Talker

A: Translator, Animal Empath
B: Social Climber, Aesthete
C: Protagonist, Supernatural Talker
D: Boundless

TRANSLATOR: You can talk with anything that can normally talk. You'll be understood, but no nuance or charm can get through -- usually treat it like they don't like you.

ANIMAL EMPATH: You can talk with animals even if they can't normally talk or understand speech. Almost nothing gets through -- usually treat it like they don't like you and also they're really stupid.

SOCIAL CLIMBER: You can talk with a whole city as if it was one person, if you're there. Similarly, you can talk to whole organizations like churches or armies.

AESTHETE: You can talk with works of art (usually treat it as if you were talking with the artist). This includes mysterious inscriptions if they rhyme or use metaphors, and it includes architecture if it's not strictly utilitarian by the standards of whoever made it.

PROTAGONIST: You can talk with your own fate. It's usually going to be pretty cagey about what will and won't happen to you, but at the very least you can beg and plead directly.

SUPERNATURAL TALKER: Choose one.

BOUNDLESS: Everyone and everything you talk with now perfectly understands you, and you perfectly understand them. You can talk without talking, using nothing but a meaningful glance or a shift in footing. You can talk with me, using Discord or email.

Sneak Thief

A: no one can tell what you are going to do
B: no one can tell what you are doing
C: no one can tell what you have done
D: no one can tell you what to do

Giant Robot Combiner Captain

Start with: five giant precursor machines, matching suits

A: heart; power core
B: lancer
C: deflect
D: going places; team cohesion

HEART - You can put hirelings in your team. You all share hit points, and there can be no more than 5 of you including yourself. You can regrow your copilots' bodies inside their associated precursor machines if they die. The machines are way too big to move around without power.

POWER CORE - You have one Manpower Die (MD) that you can roll to make your precursor machine move and take actions. There's a chart at the end of this class with some powers. The MD work like a Wizard's Magic Dice but the mishaps and dooms are all interpersonal drama shit that threatens to tear your team apart. Unlike wizard MD, your team's MD trigger dooms and mishaps on rounds when you roll doubles and triples, because you're usually only going to roll one at a time on a turn.

LANCER - Promote one of your hirelings or allies or whatever. They can now drive one of your machines, and they have 1 MD. Every time they push back on one of your decisions they get a MD back. Their machine will be the weapon arm. Give it a cool attack.

SHIELD - You can now deflect criticism from your team members. Your first doom each day turns into a mishap instead. Promote another pilot, their machine will turn into a badass shield arm. Give it a cool defensive move.

GOING PLACES - Promote two final team members, whose machines will be the two legs. Your machines don't need MD to move around now.

TEAM COHESION - You can form a giant robot finally, hell yeah. Everybody takes their actions on the same turn if you do it.

Poisonous Bug Fight Coordinator

A: kodoku jar mechanic explained, bug choice 1
B: bug choice 2
C: bug choice 3
D: bug choice 4

KODOKU JAR MECHANIC EXPLAINED: When you get a template in this class, you pick a bug from the options available and put it in your kodoku jar, which starts with [bug with a knife and also it can speak every language] in it. You then play out a minigame to see which bug survives. I suggest doing it as a micro-scale combat where each bug has 1 hp, no to-hit or armor bonuses unless it feels like they're really special, and no save bonuses likewise. One bug dies and the other is the champion. You can use the champion bug's poison whenever you want, and you get a special ability associated with the champion bug too, which ought to be obvious looking at the bugs. Bug poison works when delivered like the bug would deliver it, and it deals 1d6 damage after 3 turns. When the reigning champion bug wins a fight, its poison works 1 turn faster or deals 1d6 more damage, your choice.

You can put other bugs in the jar and it works too, but only one contestant from each species. If the winner is not poisonous then you obviously can't use its poison. All the bugs from this class have poison.

bug choice 1: [bug with a blowgun and natural camoflauge] OR [jumpy bug with poison bite that paralyzes the legs]
bug choice 2: [armor-plated bug with a pike] OR [scrimbly-bimbly bug with puff-cloud poison that lingers in the air for 1 round]
bug choice 3: [extravagant bug that can cast 1 random spell, chosen after you choose the bug, and also a poison bite] OR [frumpy bug that can cast 1 random spell, chosen right now, and also a poison bite]
bug choice 4: [ghost of a previous contestant bug] OR [you, shrunk down to bug size for the duration of the battle -- if you win, you count as a bug instead of a person whenever it's convenient, and your poison instantly kills. if you lose, you obviously die]

:)